nicky_online

Who needs enemies when you have friends like mine =(

This year is the 1st year in about 4/5 years where i've not worked christmas eve and new years eve. It felt so strange! But good =) really fucking good!
Anywayi thought i would do an update of things for, well myself.
Aerobics is going really well =) i mean i hate it when im diong it but after, i feel really good. I'm not sure when we go back though, that will be something Miss.K.Parker can find out for us =P In the new year i really need to get back to my routine of diet and exercise. Saying that i've not been to bad over christmas, but i have let slip of my exercises and i do keep making excuses for not doing them, when really there isn't any. So that will be a thing for the new year. I mean ive lost about 12 pounds, and this is usally around the stage i tend to loose interest. I have no idea why =S i think if i make it past the 1st stone stage, that will keep me determined!
Anyway christmas was rather good =) My mum kept saying we're not having a proper christmas this year because of us moving and everything, we will have a proper one next year, but it felt normal to me this year. We didnt start unwrapping untill about 1pm haha. I got some really cool stuff. I got a gee-taar, which im determined to learn and play and become like super awsome!!! I got another banksy canvas print, its the girl holding the heart shapped balloon, thats my 2nd favourite =) My mum found my dads old beatles picture record and put it in a frame for me, thats right good yet so simple. Got a super cool watch from james. Its a stamp watch, go look! its got a picture of a skull of cross bone, drawn by the word pirate, if that makes sense =S, got some cool books, even if one is freaking me out a bit! My nan bought me and my mum a big bottle of ketchup...each! hmmm. oh and the dinner was lovely, i really love roast vegetables now, and i prefer andys, he makes them well nicer than my mum, dont tell her that though! Oh i havnt heard anything from the cunt of a dad pffft it makes me feel sick even calling him that! Not a cunt, the "dad" bit. What a dickhead, seriously, it makes me so angry how im annoyed about the fact he hasnt bothered to wish me a merry christmas. He doesnt give a shit, why should i? eugh fucking tosspot!! i wish i could just erase him from my mind ya know, like in eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. Cunt!
Ok so now new years, well as it isn't here yet, i will just type down my resolutions, and these will be ones i deffinately will keep to!

1. Keep up with my diet and exercise, and keep telling myself i've done well.
2. Learn to become a superstar on the guitar.
3. Get a job and progress on to my NVQ Level3, this should be number one really.
4. Spend more time with my friends, and i mean my REAL friends!
5. And this is a new one, try and do something exciting and completly out of my comfort zone like once a month or every two.
6. Oh and be more crafty (making things crafty)

What a bloody muppet! I'm gonna have yo buy that boy a new clock or something!

I keep getting asked to go to church. If you want to believe it God, thats fine, i have no problem with that what so ever, but when you keep trying to push it on to me, that when there's gonna be a problem. I do not believe in God, i never have and i never will, so why can't people accept that? I don't try and push you to do stuff that you dont believe in! It's just really pissing me off! Its like she can't accept me for who i am which makes me feel like i'm not good enough for him, like im a bad person! I don't think i'm a bad person, yeah ok i've done stuff which is un-christian like but it's not hurt anyone or affected anyone except myself. I don't think i'm the only one who feels like this!

I'm actually starting to feel quite good about myself, first time in years, its crazy. I'm feeling healthier, im eating better doing more exercise and feeling great for it. Yeah ok i wish the weight would drop off a bit faster but i just keep saying to myself, if i dont do it properly its just all gonna come back on again so, be patient nicky! Im loosing on average 2 and half pounds a week so thats good =]
I'm realising some people might not be as good for me as i first thought, i mean do i really need people like that in my life right now? Took me a good 15 years to get the biggest cunt out of my life for good, do i really need others to take his place? No i don't think so! Shame aswell really, oh well!
What else has been going on, well i had an interview at a nursery just up the road. 6 HOURS!!! It wasn't too bad, ha felt like i was having panic attacks the night before and in the morning though! I'm so shite at situations like that. Well they said they would let me know at the end of next week. It would be good if i got it, it would actually be the first job i've gotten myself, without my family knowing someone and them putting in a good word for me. That to me would be a massive achievment, and if i don't get it, well, there isn't anything i will be able to do about it.
I've really cut down on my drinking, i say cut down, i feel like i've almost stopped! Its not a bad thing at all, if anything, im glad i can go out and not feel the need to have a drink. Others dont understande it though, they think because im not drinking, im not having fun! If anything that makes me a little bit sad, the fact people have to drink to enjoy themselves and other peoples company. Oh well, their choice!
Hmm what else, oh, destruction has started at my nans, ready for her granny flat to be built, and for us to move up there. I'm seriously dreading it. I mean you know i love my nan but for fuck sake she can do my nut in good and proper! How am i supposed to cope with her living next door? If i ever get like my nan just stick me in a nursing home please. Haha i sound like a right nasty bitch!
Well i've had enough now anyway, and i doubt anyone will read it so bye bye Nicky.

some people can say some really insensitive things. Fair enough some people may feel comfortable enough with how they look, to not take a comment like that to heart, but when you have such crappy self-esteem like i do, it really hurts, joke or not =[ i fucking hate the way i look, i really do. i have no confidence in myself what so ever, lookwise, ability wise, non what so ever. I actually physically hate myself. I never understande why or how james could love some one when that person doesnt even love herself. How can he see something beautiful in someone, when everytime they look in the mirror all she sees is something disgusting and revolting. I just feel like i want to crawl away and hide.

Im not feeling very well, i think its a mix of tummy ache and being nervous about turning 21 =s strange i know. I think its more the fact that my mum has got something planned for me and has dragged james into aswell. Im not great with stuff like that, it makes me stupidly overwhelmed and i get really upset about it. It was the same on the last day at my school, i knew they were gonna do something and i knew it would be something nice i just didnt want them to do it. I hate the waiting. In a way i really want it to just hurry up and be over with but then i want to celebrate it loads, liike with friends but i cant afford to do anything different and neither can james. Kinda shitty really. Im gonna go to the snooker centre and have a few games of pool with friends and cheap wkd blue ive decided =] Got a driving lesson 1st though at half 9 in the morning! Yay.Think nan is taking me shopping, well as far as her legs can walk anyway so maybe just a shop =]
Hmphh hurry up please.

Ive just finished reading all of my entries and i cant believe how sad and attention seeking i sound. Thing is, i never did any of those things for attention. No body ever read this so i just put how i was feeling at the time. I guess i just could have worded it better. I cant believe how obsessed i was with certain people aswell. What a dumb cunt i was. Well least i can say im happy now, something i seemed to say very rarely back then. Yeah i still have up and down moments but im old enough now to deal with them properly. I dont no whether to start writting here again as a more regular thing or not. Hmmmm.

Its been so shitting long since ive been on this bastard of a thing an di have just one thing 2 say


I FUCKING HATE MEN STOP SCREWINGW WITH MY HEAD YOU CUNTS!!!!

Wow been so long since last update so lets see, im still goin out with james its 7months 2day so woo!! ive finished college so now looking 4 a job. went to download it was great, found some people there that we knew so they just grabed out tent and took it to there little camping spot , i was fun , first night we had gimp wrestling awww so good i tell ya, here is a list of all the bands we managed 2 see

breed 77
bowling 4 soup
him
slipknot
funeral for a friend
queen adreena
wednesday 13
jj72
biffy clyro
megadeth
dinosaur jr
garbage
feeder
billy idol
the used
my chemical romance
fozzy
flogging molly
napalm death
trivium
the dwarves
mad capsule market
a
quit your day job
crucified barbara
alter bridge
anthrax
velvet revolver
black sabbath
unearth
meshuggah
in flames
dv8
society 1
mudvayne
papa roach
killswitch engage
nightwish
slayer
lacuna coil
still remains
team sleep
system of a down

so as u can seewe did quite abit of walking during the 3 days of the music , and well ok quite a bit of walkign during the entire 5 days we were there it was great weather was abit strange hot and cold and rainy and haily. seen so many nakid people it was unbelieveable. well i carnt be arsed 2 write owt else